It’s a little odd for me to be posting so early in the morning but i need to get something of my chest before i start to go mad and kill everyone that i see.

It feels like even though we put in so much effort into doing something, it is never appreciated. and it makes me sad to think that after spending five years with us, you would still think we are a nuisance. worse. even regard us as strangers. why would you do that. even after we have done so much for this production and mind you, we are not getting anything out of it. and we are still a nuisance?! Fuck…… i didn’t know you thought of us that way……. it’s times like this where i wish i could talk to mrs b.

i feel like shit now thanks to you.

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lkmoij.pngMarch is coming into an end and here I am thinking that it is still January. It’s crazy how time fly so fast nowadays. Soon it’s gonna be April and i will have to face my new school and meet new people which is kinda freaking me out. Let’s be honest here, I’m absolutely terrified of meeting new people. Not that I am anti social person. It’s just that i feel i have lost a small part of that super friendly and bubbly side of me. Not being around a bunch of people for the past year has made me kinda socially awkward. I’ll like to believe I still am friendly and confident. it’s just that i have become more scared and nervous. which is something new for me because i’m quite “out there”. Super crazy and wild. But now, i feel like i have matured. I am more relaxed and calm now. Which i really like.

Well i don’t have to be scared and nervous. I need to be more confident! COME ON AMANI!!! HAHAHAHAHHA!!

Anyways, these past few months has been great. Tiring. but great.I met new people through Arts Panache. Became closer to my juniors and gave them whatever help i could offer them. hopefully this will be a smooth production and everything will fall into place on the performance day, which i am so excited for!! This really brought back good memories from my drama days…… Really miss those time. And i wish i had treasured it more….. How i wish i could go back in time and relive those happy moments once again.

426822_2633308670467_1187913277_32237180_1795276743_nMrs B has gotta be the best teacher i have ever met! love her and i miss her so much!

425436_380424565305387_100000135417399_1690069_1448814138_n423446_2633291030026_1187913277_32237148_924308045_nRyana looks so cute here! And iffah looking pretty as always.

Really wish i could relive those moments once again. Love my drama club to death. And I’m so glad that we still keep in contact. So blessed that i have met them and became like a family to them. LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Well that’s all for tonight. Gotta head to sleep. BYE~!

Updates!

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My ootd to the recent play I just watched called ‘The Misanthrope’.

Well hello there fellow readers! It is March……… HOW COULD THIS BE!!! Time is passing by so fast. It seems like earth is on steroids. We just need to slow down man…. take things slow and chill for a second.

Alright! trying to stick to my new year’s resolution of posting more often wordpress, I’ve decided to take some time off my not-so-busy schedule and wordpress a little before heading to sleep. It has been quite hectic these past few days or so. doing my poly admissions thingy which is so damn confusing and annoying, helping out with the Arts Panache and also helping my mother with her work. helping with the arts panache has been really fun yet challenging. It’s a tough job trying to get things on the right track and helping out the cast and crew. But it really does bring back good memories from my days in drama. I’m quite excited to see the final performance and i’m just hoping everything will go smoothly.

Singapore has been exceptionally hot nowadays. And the haze is getting worse. the air smells like ass. But we can get through this. I’m just really wishing for it to rain. I would be so happy if it rains. It’s so damn hot and dry that the grass is brown in colour. Which is quite sad to see…..

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Anyway, I just wanna take this time to mention my best friend Iffah over here. She’s going through a really tough time in her life right now and i just wanna give her a shoutout. To stay strong. We are here for you all the way and we will help you get through this difficult time, together. Always remember that you are surrounded by many friends and family that supports you and love you so much cos we appreciate what you have done for us and we are so thankful that you helped us without ever wanting anything in return. especially me! I can’t thank you enough for what you have done. Forget about that jerk. He’s not worth your time. Remember that there are many guys waiting for you. And they will love you more than he did. And when you are in doubt or feeling low, remember that i’m here for you. Turn to Him too cos He will always listen and help you. 🙂

Alright! that’s all i have to say now. I know it’s a short post but this is just a short update. See ya on my next post! BYE~!

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Goodbye 2013 and Hello 2014!

tumblr_lx3lohTq101r1urdmo1_500[1]I know it’s a little late to do a “Goodbye 2013 and Hello 2014” post but, it’s still January and many things happened during 2013 that I would like to share it with you guys. Also, I wanted to share my new year’s resolution or what I’m planning to do in 2014. So let’s get started.

2013 was a really rocky year. Might not be so eventful but it was definitely rocky and a tough year. From the start of the year, it was really challenging. I had a really tough time trying to figure out what i wanna do in the future and what was my plan. For starters, i didn’t tell you guys this but i actually retook my ‘O’ levels. I didn’t get my desired grades and i couldn’t go to the course which i wanted. So i decided to retake my O’s so that i could go to a good school and a good course. Honestly i didn’t know whether that was the right decision because in my head, retaking my O’s was a shameful thing to do and it meant that i’m a failure. I know it’s a stupid thing to have thought of but that was how i genuinely felt about it. And also, I was quite embarrassed to tell people that i was retaking my O’s since everyone else that i knew was moving on to their next chapter in life while i was stuck in the same position for another year. That’s how i felt in the start. It was tough. I was pretty much a stupid girl to have thought of it that way. Of course as the year started to pass, my thoughts of it changed. I felt less embarrassed about it and i wasn’t afraid to tell people what i was doing. My mindset about it changed and i felt that i shouldn’t care about what others thought about it. I should just be proud of it. I mean it’s my life and i couldn’t care less about what others think. And thank god i retook my O’s cos i got a good score in the end and i was eligible to go to many different courses.  Sometimes you don’t know whether you have made the right decisions and you are constantly worrying whether it’s right. However, you have to remember to always be confident about the decisions make and have faith in yourself.

Friends have definitely helped me get through the year. They encouraged me to do better, supported me in whatever i did and helped me become a better person. I have to admit, I’m a pretty bad person and friend. well at least that’s what i think. But I’m slowly changing and trying or in the process of becoming a better person.e7253a9d1ca84ccfbcb1ace2de8393de@2x

One person i’d like to mention in Zhi En who has been with me all the time. She gives me so much encouragement and energy and i can’t even thank her enough for that. And i know i can trust her. She’s got my back and I got her’s. Also i wanna mention Ballery.28d383dca57511e1bf341231380f8a12_7

She is crazy and wild but also so caring and so understanding. If i got problem, she gives my the best advises and i trust her. She’s so young but mature for her age. I mean i remember when i was 16 and i was still playing my psp. i was so childish. There are still many others who support me and i love you guys. And i’m sorry if i didn’t mention you here but of course you’re still included. OH! I wanna mention Carissa who has been supporting me all this time even though she’s so far away. I MISS YOU SO MUCH CAR!!20120414-140142

In 2013, we got a new addition to my family. Meet Pablo. He’s our cat!!Processed with VSCOcam with t1 preset

And he is the cutest cat in the world. We adopted him in 4th June and he has given my family and I such joy and happiness. I love him so much and he just the best. When I’m having a really bad day, he would just shower me with cuteness and love. he just make all my problems and sadness disappear.

Okay on to my 2014 plans cos this post is getting really long.

  •  to get into a good course in school and do well in it of course.
  • Make my parents happy and proud. This really important.
  • Be more adventurous.
  • Gain new experience
  • WordPress more often.

Hopefully i can stick to it and make 2014 a good year.

So that’s all i have to say. goodbye 2013! you have been great and HELLO 2014!!

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The Future

The future is really scary. And for me, I am given a task to decide my future in 2 days. honestly, I don’t know what i wanna do in the future or who i wanna be. this makes me even more scared. What if i make the wrong choice? what if 10 years down the road i will regret my decision just because i don’t know what i wanna do now. Everyone in this world have their own ambitions. I wanted to be a doctor. Specifically, a pediatrician. But for a long time, I’ve neglected my ambitions because i was too busy caring about other things and i was so overwhelmed by my studies. It  was to the point where I had lost confidence in it and question whether i could achieve it.

My result came and i got a okay. it was not too bad but it was not too good either. Honestly, i didn’t feel anything. i wasn’t happy or sad. i was just numb. However my results were not good enough to go where i wanted to go to. i’ve been doing nothing but research on which school to go to, which course to apply to and most importantly, what would my future be like if i apply to a specific course. and let me tell you it is tiring. And it is making my whole brain messed up.

Now, I’m so confused. I’m so lost. I don’t what to do or who to turn to. I guess it’s because it’s my own decision and it’s my own life, but i really don’t know. It’s all blank to me. everything is not clear.

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Well hello there! it’s been a while since i last wordpress and i’m really sorry i haven’t been updating. Yes it has come to my attention that i have been neglecting this blog which is why i am back with the AM post. i used to do this all the time but 2013 has been a total bitch to me. to be honest, it is not my year at all. I mean there were happy moments but there were equally sad and depressing moment this year, which i will not dwell on because it is in the past and it will make this post really sad.

Anyways! let me just do a quick update with you guys on what has happened (happy things) and what’s  gonna happen in the future. SO LETS GET STARTED!

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A few months ago, I was asked by my lovely drama instructor, Ms Ross, to perform a short play for the kids. This is a collaboration with the national library board. i’m not quite sure what was the title of the play which is kinda ironic cos i was acting in it. but, lets just call it ‘The Adventures of Goldilock ‘. I’m fully aware that the original title is ‘Goldilocks and the 3 bears’ but in this play Goldilocks ran away from home and encounter many obstacles and met many people. She met Cinderella, the 3 Little Pig which became the 2 Little Pigs, the big bad wolf, Repunzel and finally the 3 Bears.

I was given the role of Goldilocks. Now i must say when i agreed to this, i was quite worried that i would not be able to act like i did a year ago. This was because i haven’t acted for quite a while and i was getting a little rusty. especially remembering my lines. My memory is deteriorating cos i’m getting older and older. *sigh* Anyways, THANK GOD I DIDN’T REJECT THE OFFER cos it was so much fun and it felt amazing being in front of an audience again. it only took us about 3 weeks to get the whole thing together and the show went well and overall, it was a great experience.

Another thing that strikes out the most recently was the play ballery, diyanah, lucas and i watched. ‘Metamorphosis’ was a theatre adaptation by Steven Berkoff from Franz Kafka’s novel. it was performed by NAFA’s theatre department students and alumni. And surprise surprise, Ms Ross was one of the cast member! IT WAS AMAZING! the show was spectacular and it almost made me cry but i didn’t cos i was wearing non waterproof mascara and my heart is made of steel. Kidding! i cry at everything. HEHEEHE!! that is a lie too cos i don’t cry that easily. ANYWAYS! The performance really captured my heart.

The story is about a travelling salesman, Gregor Samsa, who wakes up in one morning to find himself transform into a giant insect.

Now this story really hit me hard because i realised that i was some sort like Gregor. not like i am turning into an insect but it’s the fact that he had a lot of issues. he was finding it hard to connect with his family, the pressure he had and the weight he had to carry before he transformed into an insect was huge and becoming almost like a burden to the family after becoming an insect. which was something i can relate to. it was amazing to watch it and no word can describe how awesome their acting was. I wish i can watch it again.

In 2 months time, i”m going to Indonesia again for a short trip. One of my family member is going to get married and i have to attend it. Not so excited about the wedding but i am excited about the food and the shopping there. And there will be a huge gathering on my mom’s side of the family cos it has been a while since i’ve met them and it has been a while since they have seen my sis cos she coming along with us. LIKE FINALLY! the last time i went there, my sis couldn’t join us cos she had work but this time it’s different cos she finally got an off day. SO YAY!

Gonna end it here now! Till next time! BYE~!

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Thoughts thoughts thought…. (weird)

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Hello there. It’s me again. So February is here already. HURRAY~! I don’t know whether that is a good news or bad. however, I feel that time is moving way too fast. Have you guys realised that?? The earth’s axis is probably on crack or something and it’s spinning faster and faster everyday.

Let me just warn you first that this post might sound a little weird to you guys cos first, I just woke up from my nap so I’m a little bit light headed instead of refreshed. I really don’t know why. This is not the usual me. My body is just aching everywhere. But the sleep was good! It’s just my body problem today. I think I’m still tired. Secondly, I might sound a little dull and lazy today. The weather is just fantastic. It’s raining outside and it’s cold. Drinking a nice hot tea and reading a book. As for my case now, I’m WordPress-ing. Which is relaxing. While drinking a cup of tea of course.

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So recently I had a conversation with my dear Ryana about nails. I know I know… what a weird topic to talk about. However I found the whole conversation hilarious and thought provoking. So we were talking about people who have really really long nail. And those that bejewelled their nails. I love nail art and i myself love to do my nails. And I know that there are people out there that loves those type of long bejewelled nails but as for me, I find that a little unattractive. But that’s my point of view. If you like, by all means do it. As I was saying, we were on that topic and we came up with ridiculous problems and questions.

1) how do they wash themselves after doing their business?
Frankly speaking, I’ve always wondered about that. Like, will it painful? Aren’t you afraid that it will chip or break while washing up? And these people actually pay a lot of money to do their nails and I was thinking won’t it break easily. It would be such a shame if it breaks so fast after paying so much money for it. I know this question is like a little bit weird but it was in both of our minds and it was left unanswered because we keep getting sidetracked.

2) bejewelled nails.
I for one don’t understand why bejewel your nail. I like bejewel-ing. Maybe your phone or your clothes etc. But nails are… again it’s just weird and it gets in the way of your work. I mean how do you even write. Doesn’t nails and gems get in the way of it. You have to change the way you hold your pen just because your nails are in the way of it. Or let’s say you’re doing your chores, cooking for example, and one of your gems came off and it decided to join the food. And imagine accidentally eating it. Oh my gosh…. the thought of it scares me. I just find that it gets in the way of whatever you’re doing.

3) doing chores, work or any activities
Now I touched on this in the previous paragraph but I still wanna emphasise on this problem. First, doing chores. I reckon that these people would actually do the chores. I mean everyone does the chores. But if I had those long bejewelled nails, I wouldn’t want to do any chores cos I would not wanna ruin my nails. If you actually do the chores and have those nails, again it just gets in the way. It makes work harder for you. Why make things harder for yourself. Second, work. Finding papers, writing, typing or even using your phone, it would be really hard to do all of that. It gets in the way and you would take a longer time to finish your work. And I am sure that is not what you want. And third, doing activities. By activities I mean working out or something along that line. Maybe pick up item, I don’t know. Your nails would break easily after doing whatever activities you planned. I’m sure that’s not what you want so in the end, you would do nothing. Which is really boring.

So those were the main thoughts we had about this topic. Also, I kept thinking that you would find scratch marks all over your body. Why? Because of your long nails.

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I can’t believe I actually wrote a post on nails. What is wrong with my life….. I told you this post is weird. But anyways, I hope you guys will have a fantastic week ahead. Chinese New Year is coming soon!! Woohoo!! So enjoy your holidays and happy chinese new year everyone!

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Out!

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It’s been a while since I last WordPress. I know I have promised to WordPress more often but I just couldn’t find the time to do it. Earlier in December and January, I’ve been away from Singapore for about 10 day. And it was the best 10 days of my life! I was at my birthplace , beautiful Indonesia. ♥

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I was there for a holiday/ family gathering as my uncle was about to get married. It was a beautiful wedding. It was definitely a different from the wedding here in Singapore. It was a very interesting experience. The only wedding I attend here in Singapore are all from my father side and it’s a little different from other weddings. After seeing how everything works there in Indonesia, I was like, “is it that simple?!” All weddings I have attended here in Singapore look very grand and complicated but this one was simple but really nice and sweet. Something which I really liked. My uncle is a very nice man and I wish him and his wife a very happy marriage.

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Now, my trip there made me realise that my mother was the happiest when she’s back in Indonesia. Of course she was as she was brought uo there. But not only was she happy, I was too. Everything was so relaxing and calm. I truly felt happy there. My mother’s family were so warm. It seems like everything was simple. It almost feel like nothing is complicated there. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I was there for a holiday. But really, the lifestyle there, it seems so simple. Here in Singapore I find myself feeling stress. Sometimes sad, sometimes angry. But thank god I have a family that really understand me, support me and make everyday of my life filled with joy and happiness.

And one day in the future when I have the money to support my parents, I intend to bring them back to Indonesia because I want them to spend the rest of their lives there. I want them to be happy and I want to repay them for whatever they have done for me. I can’t say enough how thankful I am to them and how much I love them.

Well of course when you go on a holiday, you must take pictures so….

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There were do many cats there! And they were all so cute!! Back at the house, we have one cat and his name is Meng Meng. Such a cute name right! And this is how he looks like.

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How cute is he!!! But of course there were more cats. My whole gallery was filled with pictures of cats. And of course I met baby Rafif.  I swear he is the most handsome baby I’ve ever seen! He’s so fair and has big eyes. Extreme cuteness!! This is how he looks like.

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Isn’t he cute!! I miss him so much!!!! :'(((

Oh well…. it’s time to go. I will try my best to WordPress more often. Till the next post, goodbye!

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stuck outside…. :'(

hey guys~! yes it has been a while since I last WordPress but anyway I’m here. it is 12/12/12 everyone! how amazing is that and this will be the last. awww…. so sad. but it seems like 12/12/12 was not a pretty good day for me.

other than doing nothing productive today I am now stuck outside my house with absolutely nothing to do (other than WordPress), no money and worst of all, no food!! ugh! I mean I didn’t eat lunch at all.

let me just start in the morning. I went out to mac and ate my breakfast, alone. so sad… there was a long story behind it. but one good thing happened today was meeting zailiyah. we did the usual. hang out and all. and now I’m stuck outside the house. yeah it might not sound like a bad day or whatever but there it wasn’t good. all I want is to be at home and drink a nice cup of tea while watching a nice movie. sound boring but it is nice and relaxing. yes it might not be spectacular but I like doing stuff like that.

all I’m saying is there’s nothing special about 12/12/12. maybe something good will happen later. I don’t know. but right now, it kinda sucks. cos there are like lizards around and I am scared of them and I hate them. Eewwww!!

this holiday, I have to admit, it’s not that amazing. but at least I get to laze around before terror strikes back. and by terror, I mean school. oh well…. gotta go! my battery is really low now. and I have to fight the lizards. I CAN HEAR THEM!! BYE~!

day out to tampines

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hey there! so today, I went out with ma gurls time tampines. I know I know…. it’s kinda weird to go all the way to tampines cos I live so far away from there. but let me tell you the malls at tampines is amazing! I can stay there for a long time. there are 3 malls there which is insane. in a good way.

Actually, we wanted to go job hunting today. just look around if there are any places who are in need of workers especially in the retail sector. for me, I’m not exactly interested in getting a job at tampines. let’s face it. it’s way too far away from where I live. but I just look around there to check out the place. also, I love the mall! it’s huge!!

anyways, the girls went to watch pitch perfect and they were telling me that it was an amazing movie. highly recommended! then I went to meet them after the movie. It was a pretty good day! the bad thing is, it was just hard to find a job. oh well…. we just have to try harder.

I just wish I could stay longer. explore the place even more. there are so many sights in Singapore which I wanna see. I wanna go out at night and explore the happenings around here. yeah the stores and all are closed, but there other shops that are open till late at night and I wanna see that! I know I sound like a tourist now. but, now that I am older and O’s are over, why not I check all these places out. who know what I will see! it would be so much fun! and imagine all the pictures.

oh and I did take pictures today so here it is!

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had a little French moment with Sabila just now which was really nice. just to catch up since we haven’t seen each other for a while.

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                   my outfit for the day.

and now it’s time to end this post. hope you guys have a great week ahead! see ya!!!