It’s been a while since i last post. due to my insane schedule and the lack of time and sleep, i’m forced to put aside this blog and concentrate on my boring ass life which consist of studying and more stu(dying). from the last time I’ve blogged, many things have changed and i too feel as though i have changed.
This semester has been nothing but easy. i feel cornered and lost most of the time leaving me is a dark place of depression and overthinking a couple of times. Although on the outside i might look cheery and happy all the time, but honestly speaking, i’m quite down most of the time and i just try to cover it with smiles and laughter. back in the day, i used to tell people how i feel and the problems I’ve been facing. but right now i don’t know who t turn to and i feel like i shouldn’t burden anyone or make people worry about me. however, i also feel that that is all in my head. i mean who would actually set a time from themselves to worry about me and my problems. and maybe all these thoughts have made me insecure to open up and let them know how i feel. whether it is about school work, projects, groupings or friendship problems. it has lead me to believe that i am alone in this battle and fighting this war by myself. worst of all, it is a mental battle. i’m constantly fighting with my overflowing negative thought and trying my best to occupy myself to stop thinking about all of this from contaminating my mind and heart. it’s physically and mentally draining to me.
this year especially is a hard one for me. people whom i thought would stay by me and support me has left me, endless work and also the battle with my inner demons. i can’t even count how many times i’ve broken down and fallen into a deep hole of sadness and anxiety. but with all honesty, i’m proud of myself for coming this far. all these obstacles have made me more stronger and better. i’ve became more tactful and cautious about what i say. more sensitive and considerate.
and even with so many people leaving me, i’ve gained more and met people who are more honest and genuine. and met people who are indeed gems and will listen to my problems and give me comfort even though they know they can’t be much help. but i appreciate them for listening and that is way comforting as i feel a sense of relief after that. i am so blessed to have met them and no words can describe how thankful i am to have met ya’ll. you guys saved me. thank you.