Hello fellow readers. The AM post is back on! Since this is the only time i really have now, I shall spend it wisely by wordpressing. Well, this is a way for me to relax. So why not!
It is really late now and i should be sleeping. But it’s Saturday night/ Sunday morning. I can do whatever i want. And yes, this is how i spend my saturday nights. At home, nothing to do. Just sit on the couch and watch tv or sit on a chair and surf the web. I’ve realised that i am indeed such a boring person. As a matter of fact, i hardly ever go out now. Even if i did go out, it is to study. And i study at the freaking hospital. It’s not like i have a condition or whatsoever. No. It just so happens that i focus better and study better in the hospital. Weird huh. and i’m not the only person who studies there. Many students study there. It’s the new ‘it’ place to study. I find it better to study in the hospital than in a library. Especially Yishun’s library. I have nothing to say about that library. Actually, i do have a lot of things to say about that library but i rather keep it to myself. besides, it’s way too long of a story.
Anyways, back to the point of me being an extremely boring person. I spend a lot of time at home. Come on! I’m 17 years old! I should be going out celebrating my youth! but instead, I’m stuck at home, studying the whole day. How sad is that. Stupid O levels. I can’t wait for it to end. In about a month time, it would be over. And i can finally go out and have a blast. Something that i haven’t done for a long time. Prelims are over already. I have survived 2 weeks of examination. YES! Soon, i would be taking my O’s. The thought of it is scary, but it is time i faced it. I mean five years of preparation has led me to this day. And i refuse to regret my actions.
I want to make my parents proud. That is my priority. I want them to be happy. I want them to be proud for me. Something that i have not achieved for 17 years of my existence. Maybe i have made them proud in a couple of occasions. But i certainly don’t feel it. Their happiness is important to me. They have raised me up and supported me all the way. This is the only thing i can give them in return.
Now i’m starting to think whether i am happy. I’m so caught up on how others feel, i have not stop to think about my feelings. Am i happy? I don’t have an answer for that. I think i am neither happy nor sad. sometimes i do feel sad. And sometimes, even if i am in a happy atmosphere and i’m laughing and all, i am not truly happy. As in the thought of, maybe O’s, is still at the back of my mind and no matter what i do, even if it is something happy, i do feel guilty. Like i should be studying.
I don’t know. Maybe i’m just too tired. I’m tired of everything. all i need is a little rest. That’s all. I just need to relax. My body is so tensed up. i really got to just stop and rest. But i can’t. It’s wrong. It’s okay. It’s just a month. i can get through this. i will get through this. FIGHTING!!