Monthly Archives: June 2012

JUNE’S OVER! HELLO JULY!!

HEY EVERYONE!!! So the first week of school is over. Let me just say it was the worst. Maybe it’s because it’s the end of June. Which means, we are half way into the year. June was a crappy month and let’s just put it in the past. It’s over and i’m done with it. But think about it. July is coming! A new month and a fresh start.

Since school had started, it has been really rough. I mean the teachers are giving us way too many homework. I mean seriously. We got no time to study with all the homework we have to do. That’s just messed up. I mean I get it that homework is a form of studying but seriously……. Truthfully speaking, I rather study than do homework. My homework is piling up like there’s no tomorrow.

And since it’s youth day on monday, the teachers decided to give us more homework. Come on….. By the end of the week, i was just exhausted and when I reached home that friday, i collapsed onto floor. Had extreme body ache and i was falling sick. And to make things worse, My favorite football team, GERMANY, lost against Italy at the semi finals………. Be right back, gonna cry now.

My favorite team!

Okay i’m back. ¬†I watched the match and i was just extremely sad, angry and frustrated. Angry because Italy was winning. I mean no offense, they’re good and all but i was really rooting for germany. My german darlings!! Really wanted them to go to the finals. It would have been an AMAZING match between Germany and Spain. After their lost, I wasn’t that interested in watching Euro anymore. I am so damn sad….. But nevertheless i’m still watching the finals. If Italy wins, I will not eat Italian food for the rest of the year. BUT NO MATTER WHAT, GERMANY WILL STILL BE MY FAVORITE TEAM AND DEFINITELY THE BEST TEAM EVER!!!

Because i was watching the match, i had to wake up at 2.45 am to watch it. And when i went to school, I WAS SLEEPY AS HELL! It was like I was in another world. Thank god it was a friday so there were little classes and the day was shorter. GOT NO PROBLEM WITH THAT!! But i kept falling asleep. Serious shit yo. My eyes were so heavy i could barely open them.

That was probably me in class. But i was strong enough to stay up until the end. The energy drink didn’t even help! It says it works instantly but that was a lie!! It’s didn’t even take effect!

Okay most important one of all. I want to apologize. I’m sorry for everything i did wrong. I make a lot of mistakes and to be frank, i am not a nice person. I know that. Or at least i feel that way. Anyways, it is something that i have to definitely work on. I make mistakes here and there and i will just like to say I’m really sorry. Right now, I am just glad that everything is fine. And of course, it is time to thank god. ūüôā

What i have really learnt from this June holidays was to believe in myself. My theory is, if you believe that you will always be a failure and you can never do this or that, of course life will be like hell and what you believe can become reality. You believe in all the bad things about yourself and don’t realize the good things. That sucks. The feeling of being useless and feeling like you’re nothing, that sucks. But if you believe in yourself, that can change your perspective of life. Believe that you’re worth it. Believe that you’re good enough for anyone. Your parents, siblings, relatives, friends even strangers. Believe in yourself. If you truly want to be happy, trust yourself. There’s no harm in making mistakes. That’s how we learn and become better people. And then we can be an inspiration to others and respected by people.

Okay then! Time to end this post! Shall post again sometime soon! BYE!!

OH MY GOSH!! ANDREW GARFIELD IS SO HOT AND EMMA STONE IS SO PRETTY!! ‚̧

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Hope

This whole month was just crappy. it has been a hard month. And there were¬†instances¬†where¬†i lost hope and just gave up totally. But i still tell myself to just carry on. Stay optimistic and positive. I always say to myself, “just rub a little salt on your wound. Bare with it. It will be fine” Those are the same exact words Ms Ross, my drama instructor, said to me. She’s such an inspiration and those words will always be in my mind no matter what. No matter how hard life gets, those word have helped me gone through all¬†the problems and issues.

Recently, i just got a really tragic news all the way from¬†indonesia. My grandmother was admitted to hospital. When i got the news, it was a really a big shock to me. We are all the way here in singapore and she’s in indonesia. We were all so worried and we all started to get panicky especially my mom. Being the first child from her family, she would obviously react that way. She can’t do much too at that moment because she’s not indonesia. To make matters worst, she was in the middle of work. Imagine all those things happening to my mother. I’ve never seen my mom in that state before. It ¬†made me sad cos i felt¬†i can’t help her much. My dad was really the pillar of strength and support. He made sure that everyone, especially my mom, was calm.

I was on the computer trying to book a ticket for my mom as fast as i can, so that i could at least assure my mom that she has a ticket. At least that was one issue that was already settled. She immediately got ready and it’s weird that she didn’t want us to send her to the airport. She even told my dad not to send her there. Which was really weird. But we understood. She needs time to think and be alone. I guess once she reached there, she settled everything with the help of her siblings.

Now, Alhamdulillah, my grandma is in a stable condition. I got news that she is better now. I don’t know when she will come back though. But i still want her to stay there a little longer so that she could take care of her mother. I’m an understanding child. i get her point of view anyways. My whole family does. We did whatever it takes to keep her calm and to really assure her that everything will be fine.

Looking back, this whole month was just an insane roller coaster. It is filled with ups and downs. But it is a good way to even the June break. With a piece of good news that she is okay. last night i could not sleep properly. i kept thinking that this month was full of crap. But i learnt not to lose hope. I think the problem that i did was,¬†i kept looking at the negative side and not positive side. So caught up with many things and problems that i really didn’t have the time to enjoy the holidays. To really be happy. I think i need to fixed that and get back to my roots. The happy, optimistic girl. ¬†Need to get back on track!

Oh! and i just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for all my friend who gave me support and encouragement. You guys really cheered me up and gave me strength and hope to go on. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I really appreciate it! I really can’t thank you guys enough for all you have done. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ‚̧

It’s a new semester! School starts tomorrow. So good luck guys! DON’T WAKE UP LATE FOR SCHOOL!! BYE!!

Funniest gif ever!! And the worst medic i’ve ever seen!! Just had to post that up! Okay now this is real goodbye! BYE!!

Food for thought

Just a little food for thought. Sometimes life gets really hard. and sometimes you feel like whatever you did in a past was a waste of time. Whenever life gets hard for me, my immediate thoughts are, Why am i¬†so stupid. I get so upset and angry with myself and i¬†let it affect me so much that i¬†completely shut down. I didn’t care about anything else and i become so desperate to make things better. To make thing the way it was previously. To be back to normal.

Deep in my heart, i¬†know that¬†it can never happen but i¬†can’t help but keep little sprouts of hope. Hope that things will go back to normal. Hope that it will go back to the way it was previously. Hope that i¬†can sleep through it and wake up with nothing to worry. Wake up thinking that the problem is no longer there and i¬†start with a clean slate. But no matter what, it will stay¬†that way¬†and if you don’t deal with it and just ignore it, i will spread. It will spread and it will slowly consume you. Until you can’t do anything but cry over it¬†and crying will not resolve the situation. It is like a tumor. A cancer cell. If you don’t treat it, it¬†will spread all over your body and once it is too big to handle, you can’t do anything at all. Yes you may feel better after crying but did the problem go away? no. It’s still there.

Today i¬†witness a tragic scene. Where i¬†see not 1, not 2 but many students crying because of one problem. One issue. One cancer. The thing that hurt me the most was to see my friends crying non-stop because of that and there¬†was nothing i¬†could to but to sit and comfort them. To listen to them. I felt useless cos i couldn’t step up for them. They looked so hurt and vulnerable to anything. The slightest comment was a stab to them. I just watch them. I felt their pain and it pains me to see them that way.

What has the world become. It is fucked up. so many issue, so many things are happening so fast and all you wish for was to stop. Just stop and think. You get so tired running and fighting until you just collapse. That’s how i¬†feel. I feel like all my life, i’ve¬†been fighting a battle. A war. An endless war and i am just so tired. It’s not really physical tired but more of mentally and emotionally.

The thing that made me so mad was why were they being stereotyped? Why are they so biased? Were they blind? Were they not thinking straight? All this questions were just jumbled up in my mind and the one question that was left unanswered was, Do they have a heart? Why were they so mean. They had no right to bring them down and make them feel so low. I have experienced that myself and i hated that feeling. I hated that they had to feel that way too.

It was just horrible. Well. These are just thought anyways. What to do about them……

Confusion

Sometimes I wish I could feel half as confident as I seem to be on the outside. It’s not about feeling inferior or not worthy. It’s just that feeling of constantly being average, constantly in the invisible middle.

And then I get that rush of being seen. That rush that perhaps there was someone who saw me in the throng of Nobodys. I get giddy with happiness at the thought of being noticed and then being shown attention. Being shown affection. And the whispers and forceful hands that push me forward, willing me, egging me to put myself out there. To go ahead and put my heart on the line, eventhough it has been locked away for too long. Not realizing the repercussions, the gravity of the situation. 

But then he disappears. And the feelings that I thought were there were mere illusions, mere misunderstandings. They faded as quickly as they ignited, like fireworks, without a trace. Leaving only darkness behind and my ears ringing with silence.

Here I am, the blind bat. Utterly confused. Utterly drained. Angry at the stupid thoughts that fill my head. That I could’ve thought that… that…

Are we even friends?

I guess, we are strangers, in the end.

– Sharifah Hanan


My sister wrote that and it was just beautiful that i wanted to share it. It really touched my heart cos i can really relate to this. My sister is just amazing at writing. And her blog is also really interesting cos she writes a lot of reviews and stuff like that. Her post are really deep and i must say thought-provoking.¬†This by far has been her best! I love this…. what is this called… Post i guess. It is just amazing and i love it! I just had to post this.

HAPPY 25TH POST!!!

Hello there¬†friends! THIS IS MY 25TH¬†WORDPRESS¬†POST!!! Isn’t that A M A Z I N G!!! I have to say it’s really fast, isn’t it. I mean i¬†feel like it was just yesterday when i¬†first started wordpressing. And look at my blog now! 25 post! Okay… It might not be a lot but to me, it’s quite a lot. I just started not long ago. It is truly a joy to wordpress¬†or as how Ryana¬†will say it ‘press word’. I know….. Lame isn’t it. But i¬†laughed when she said that. Oh Ryana……

this is not gonna be so special so i’m¬†just¬†gonna tell you what happened today.

Today, i¬†went to hospital early in the morning to visit my grandmother. i¬†was totally shocked by this news and didn’t expect it at all cos she is a healthy woman. I mean at an age of 90 i¬†have to say she is really healthy. She has no disease. Nothing at all. thank goodness. She can even go out, go overseas and¬†go weddings. she likes to go out a lot, even at that age. I was really worried for her but i¬†know she’s gonna be fine. Doctor said there’s no major problems so i¬†am okay with that. I’m just gonna pray a lot for her. i¬†really want her to get well soon. BABA (grandma) GET WELL SOON OKAY!!! ^^

The craziest thing happen today at the hospital though. We went to General Hospital where she was admitted at. so there were a lot of procedure to follow. Like there can’t be more than 4 visitors in the ward. And you had to go through this weird machine that is like the MRT¬†station you know where you have to tap your card. It was exactly like that. I am gonna call it the “MRT¬†gate thingy”.¬†And it was so weird cos they actually know how many visitors is in the ward now. It was so freaky. so i¬†went there with my mom and sis. So my mom went through that weird MRT¬†gate thingy, then my sis. When i¬†tapped my card, they wouldn’t let me in. And i¬†was so confused. So was my sis and my mom. We had that confused face on. I actually said out loud,¬†“great… of course!” The¬†worker that was helping me¬†was just looking at me¬†and smiling. I think he was laughing cos my expression was pretty funny. I told my mom and sis to go first while i¬†wait. It was a long wait. I have to say i¬†was pretty sad. I got really bored and walked one whole round around the GH. I was all alone in a hospital.

Like this girl.

Then finally! i¬†could go in! I¬†must say, it was really scary. Like if i¬†was there at freaking 12 midnight i¬†would have pissed in my pants. It was so damn scary. I think it’s just me but there’s something about hospitals that freaks me out. Imagine if i¬†was there at 12 midnight and some weird lady was behind me with long hair and started walking to my direction and pounced on me in the blink of an eye! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! It is scary shit! Cos my aunt was there at that timing and she was so scared. It was like a horror movie coming to life!

Okay! So that was what happen today. When i came back home, i immediately slept cos i was so damn tired. I slept with my makeup on. So you could imagine how tired i was. And when i woke up, i look like some drug addict/drunk woman. But i have to admit it looked kinda cool.

Okay… Not as cool as this.

The june hols¬†are almost over guys….. I FEEL LIKE CRYING!!!!!! But what to do. It felt like it just started. But i¬†have to say, i¬†am really excited to see my friend. It has been a while since i¬†last saw them and i¬†miss them so much!! Other than that, i really gotta get serious on my studies. Gonna make my parents proud of me. I CAN DO THIS!!!!!

I should really end this post now. Oh well…. Maybe the 30th will be more special than this! YAY!! Okay then! BYE GUYS!!!!

Midnight post no. 8 Sunday morning

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HI HI PEOPLE!!! It is in the morning and i am awake, waiting for Euro to start. In the mean time, i can tell you guys load of thing that happened this week.

First off, BAND CONCERT. I swear, THIS YEAR’S BAND CONCERT IS A M A Z I N G!!!!! LOVED IT!!! On that day, i decided to look a little special for my band friends. Yes i wore a dress. It was the first time my friends saw me in a dress, other than Iffah and Zhien. Zhien kept saying that it was her third time seeing me in a dress. Okay other than the whole dress thing, THE PERFORMANCE WAS S P E C T A C U L A R!!!! I WAS TOTALLY ENJOYING IT!!!! I kept shouting my friend’s name and all they can do was smile at me. I think they knew i was the one calling them. :’) They know me so well! Oh and don’t worry…. We did take pictures.

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ImageZhien and me! ^^ She look so cute!!

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Iffah…. Always looking pretty!

Let’s just say it was a wonderful show put up by the Band members. Thank you for putting up a great show and a shout out to FERLINE, CHEA YIE, KIM YEN, AMIRUL!!! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!

Okay. Then i had to start and finish my holiday assignments.¬†I had to pass up the file on friday.¬†So, the day after the band concert, I woke up at 10am and did my work all the way to 5.30 in the next¬†morning. Then i slept for 3 hours and i immediately¬†rushed to school to finish up all my assignments and meet iffah. I was really sleepy and i looked horrible. And then i bumped to Zheng Bin looking all hidious. But whatever. I didn’t really care anyways. Finished doing my work. Handed up my file and met up with SHILPAO~~!!

I tell you, Shilpao is like the BEST PERSON TO TALK TOO!! We went back home together after the band concert and we just talked like there’s no tomorrow. It was insane! The amount of things we talk about are endless! From one topic to another topic. She’s such a wonderful girl. So sweet and so caring. Really happy to have her. She was my Sydney buddy!! She’s just wonderful.

after my SSP file was submitted, I FELT SO FREE!! I felt so happy. But i still have to study. Nowadays, my mom is watching me like a hawk. I have to study like 24/7. Okay that’s exaggerating. The point is i have to study a lot. Frankly speaking, I am exhausted from all the studying. But what to do. It is our “job” anyways. MUST STAY STRONG AND PERSEVERE!!! Like our school motto. ONWARD AND PERSEVERE. Yeah~! proud orchid park-ians…..No….. Not exactly proud…. Still think that ssp was a waste of my time.

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Well! time to end this post! Shall continue waiting for the match to start. BYE!!!

3am…… LORD PLEASE SAVE ME!!

It is 3 am people. and i am awake doing my damn homework that is never ending. Okay, it’s emo time bitches cos it’s early in the morning and i am relying on sleepy energy. I am currently facing a lot of problems. It seems like the problems are getting tougher and tougher that it comes to a point where i am too tired to do anything. No matter how hard i try, i just can’t make the problems go away. And it is happening right in front of my eyes and i feel so useless because i really can’t do anything at all. I can only watch it happen. I have no idea how many times i have cried.

But I’m better now. It took me a while but I have finally accepted everything and even though it occasionally hurts me, i have to be strong. I need to fight. I believe that things will get better. it will.

Okay emo time is over. I will wordpress again soon cos a lot of thing have happened this week. It has been insane week¬†cos Euro started already. It’s been a while i know. i’m a little late but hey! I am a busy woman! I have a lot of other things to attend like the AWESOME BAND CONCERT. It was fantastic. And i must say they put up a great performance! GREAT JOB BAND!! A lot of this happened that day. Sad, happy even scared all jumbled up.But it was a memorable day¬†have to say. The happiness part was killer. but i will leave that till next time

Okay! Gotta continue doing my work. ūüė• Bye guys!

PARTYING PARTYING YAY~~~~!!!!!!

ImageHey guys! So yesterday we had a party at Ryana’s house. (And no, the above picture is not a drawing of ryana’s house. I’m telling you.) IT WAS SO FUN!! We celebrated not 1, not 2, BUT 3 birthdays! We celebrated Shilpa’s birthday, the birthday boy, Matin’s and Ryana’s Birthday. They we all so shocked! Well actually, come to think of it, Matin knew that we were gonna celebrate his birthday. Well the party was on his birthday, so i guess he knew what was going to happen. But i know that Shilpa and Ryana was really not expecting a birthday surprise. The look on their face was priceless. AWW~~!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

So after we had the celebration, we played PS3. I swear after yesterday,¬†i want¬†to get¬†a ps3. Seriously. It’s like i am introduced to a¬†whole new world. I played tennis against matin and ryana, and¬†I OWNED THEM!! I KEEP WINNING!! What can i say, I AM AWESOME. Okay i should stop. But I really enjoyed playing the games. I played this yakuza game. The story was so damn long and so damn boring. I went eat first, finished my food and the story still hasn’t finish yet.¬†But the fighting part of the game was fun. Watch a little bit of Running man. But i went ahead with playing the PS3.¬†OH! Okay, So matin and Kyler were playing Fifa against each other. Matin was on fire! He was really good. Kyler…. Well, he didn’t win. But it’s okay! There’s always a next time! ūüėÄ

Then we played Running Man. I shall not tell you whole running man thing. but the most memorable part was the dog. So me, ryana and matin were on the same team. Yes we sucked but it was our first time playing the game. We were so spontaneous and enthusiastic. We were all spy like for some reason. So we were running and running at the corridors really quietly when suddenly, out of nowhere, a dog barked out loud and scared the hell out of all of us. We were already scared of the game and we all really needed to pee and this dog¬†came and¬†barked at all of us. I was so startled that i fell! Ryana was at the back. I didn’t know if she fell, cos i fell on her. Thank goodness she supported me. Matin was so scared that he just ran like a bullet. And after that, we all just laughed about it. It was so damn funny! HAHAHAHA!!! Just thinking about it now makes me laugh. It was HAIRLARIOUS!!!

So then running man was over and obviously, our team lost. but we didn’t care. All we wanted was to pee. Really badly.

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I know the pic is a little inappropriate but it’s still funny!

Okay. So after that, we were played some more PS3. Yes we love gaming. Oh! Almost forgot that the word of the day was: Rumput (grass in malay) There’s a story behind it. We were choosing which court to play for tennis and we wanted to try the rumput one. Yeah… Not that funny but it’s funny to us! The ones who know malay la. It’s an inside joke i guess. Then we prepared the bbq.

I had to call my mom and she was like what time are coming home and stuff like that. I don’t know why she was pissed but it sure made me pissed. I didn’t have the appetite to eat and my mood just went down. While the rest could stay on till late at night, i had to take off early.

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So sad…. But i was surely a memorable day i had. Really fun! I consider them no longer as my friends but my family now. Each time we all¬†go out, it is always memorable and it’s sort off an escape from reality. I love them. They are a bunch of awesome people. And when i leave, i’m really gonna miss them. AHHH!!!! I FEEL SO SAD NOW!! I WANT TO CRY!!! ūüė•

Well then! it is time to end this post! Shall post again soon! BYE!

*P.S: Sorry, there weren’t any pictures taken. ūüôā

Midnight post no. 7

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Hello good people out there! Well, i am sick, yet again. Down with the flu. Oh well i guess my immune system is failing on me again. It sucks ass. I’m wondering whether i can go for the party on saturday. I hope i can get better in time. What am i saying…. I WILL GET BETTER!!! I have to. The party is the only thing i’m looking forward to and no flu can ruin that!

So today i went to school to get my Band Concert ticket. GOT THE LAST ONE!!! Luckily i ‘pre-ordered’ it. Thank god!! I looking forward to that too! It’s gonna be exciting and i can’t wait for it.

Okay, this flu is giving me writer’s block. I can’t write a proper post. I spent the whole of today sneezing and sneezing. And the previous night, i was scratching my nose like there’s no tomorrow. I didn’t have a good sleep. And i doubt that¬†tonight, i¬†can¬†get a good night¬†sleep too. This is just horrible.

Believe it or not, staying at home is not helping get well. THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO AT HOME!! I just rot at home. And the weather is just HORRIBLE!! It is so damn hot. Then suddenly, it starts to rain. WTF?! the worst part is, it only rains for 5 minutes. And then it becomes hot again. Maybe the reason why i’m sick now is because of the weather. So people. Take good care of yourself! DON’T FALL SICK!!! Don’t be like me!

Oh!! And¬†tomorrow is the 7th of june! Which means the sec 3s will come back from the camp! I MISS THEM!!! I sort of feel a slight emptiness without them. I hope that they had fun at the camp! Unlike my camp which sucks EGGS! First i had the worst instructor. Then, our campfire sucks. It was just really boring. Not much fun. Oh well….. That was the past. Oh but the most memorable moment was gossiping with the PE teachers! They were HILARIOUS!!¬†It will be a great idea to have a drama camp! It will be fun!! DRAMA CAMP!!! It seems like all the other CCAs are having camps except for mine. Well i guess my writer block is no longer blocked. Judging by this post, i think it went away.

OH! And before forget! Today is the 6th of June!! So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY AQID REZZA!!!! SO OLD ALREADY!!!! AND I HOPE YOU GET WISER TOO!! YAY FOR BEING 17!!!! Oh And also ZAFIR ANHAR!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAN!!!!! Stop sleeping at class and making Ms Lee angry! ZA- FIAH!!

OH!! And also RYAN HIGA!!! HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! KEEP MAKING FUNNY VIDEOS!!!!

And i will also like to wish MY SISTER A HAPPY 22nd BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!! ‚̧

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Pretty Right!!

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I know…. She doesn’t look like me at all……

That’s a lot of people birthday…… oh well! Shall end this post now! BYE!!

Midnight post No. 6

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Why hello lovely people out there. So! It’s monday. Well technically when i post this, it will be tuesday. anyways, let’s talk about monday! It seems¬†like monday blues does not take a break at all. Well the monday blues sort of started during the evening. it usually starts right when i wake up but since it’s the holidays, it’s a little late. I’m actually thankful for that.

Anyways, my night is ruined. The only thing i can do is to cheer myself up. Thankfully my mom and dad manage to do that. My mom came back home with 3 packets of mochi and a whole lot of japanese tidbits which is amazing! My dad cheering me up with all his jokes. We were watching some korean dramas and discussing all the characters and stuff like that. it was a nice bonding session.

You know what i really want to do now. SHOP! I have to say if i was a rich girl, i would go shopping everyday. I am a shopaholic. It’s an addiction that i can get rid off. It just bring me joy whenever i go shopping. I went to northpoint today and saw this HUGE SALE for punk star and cotton on. It was heart wrenching when i just walked past the sale and did not even buy a single thing.¬† EVERYTHING WAS SO CHEAP!! I’m gonna go there tomorrow and shop. Even though i will be alone. Yes. You heard me. Alone. Everyone is busy with their own stuff.¬†I’m not.¬†

I wanna have fun. I wanna go shopping. I wanna eat whatever i want to eat. I need to get new clothes. I’m getting bored wearing the same clothes¬†every time¬†i go out. The topic of eating. Let’s just say that nowadays, I’m losing my appetite. I know! IT’S SO FREAKY! For me, not feeling the urge to eat is¬†pretty big. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should be eating more since it’s the holidays but i’m not.

Maybe i just need to let loose. i’m thinking way to much lately and my brain is not functioning properly. i want to party. Can’t wait for Saturday. PARTYING PARTYING YEAH~~!!